God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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