you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
