did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
