there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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