census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
should my penis look like a turkey
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
