just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
