Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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