smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
