Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
