I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
