He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
