So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
