I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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