Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
