I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
