So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
