This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
