she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
