Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
