I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
