I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
