And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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