I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
