Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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