Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
