I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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