Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
