That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
