the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
