overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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