remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We are two peas in an std pod
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
