I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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