what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
