Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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