did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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