the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
