FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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