I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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