Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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