if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
