I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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