I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
