I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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