Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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