So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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