dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
