If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
