now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
