Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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