hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
