His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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