State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
