chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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