how can u be prego again
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
