Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
