You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
