well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
